I must clean this up and move forward.

The ants have invaded, and I must decide how to react. I can remember back to the last time my life was invaded by ants. Everyone around me reacted differently. Some could care less. Others found it horribly disgusting. Some pointed blame. Others quietly and humbly cleaned up the mess. I was in the company of many then. I am almost alone now.

I don’t know whether to be angry at myself or at him. I know that I am not responsible for him and that the mess left behind was primarily my own. But, somehow, I can’t take full responsibility for the ants. I can, however, note that the ants are only a symptom of something else, deeper issues in life at home. I suppose rather than pass blame or get angry about this situation; I should just clean up the mess. I must clean this up and move forward. I can only hope that by keeping this space clean the ants will not return.

I need a helper, and I have become so bad at asking for help. I need someone to see the mess and come alongside me with a plan to help clean it up. Once it’s clean, I feel then I can let others in. Until then, I think I will push others away, or wait to go to them and not let them come to me. Not everyone can be so intimately involved. It’s not normal for me to show hospitality, but the day is coming when that will change.